Aquatic Inference Engine

1. Buy some bedsheets (preferrably sized to fit your bed). Wash ‘em.
2. Buy some fabric dye - obtainable at any fabric or craft store.
3. Find a bucket.
4. Add water. Add dye.
5. Twist up your bedsheets all funky-like. If you’re ambitious find some big ‘ole rubber bands to wrap ‘em up with.
6. Dunk [...]

Step 1. Make photocopies of your favorite crosswerdz {USAToday, NYTimes (monday!), WSJ (facist!)}, two apiece.
Step 2. Obtain an amenable female|male, probably bookish, but certainly with a minimal literary and/or puzzle-ing bent.
Step 3. Determine a mutually agreeable location {eg. coffee shop (duh.), library (boston public…not bad), park (if sunny), bar/pub/restaurant (locals only), other…}
Step 4. Endeavour to [...]

for the fun things to do that won’t cost you a cent column…
pickout a favorite picture (it can be anything really, as long as you can hold it straight out in front of your face no problem, but pictures are my favorite) and hold it out in front of your face as far as you [...]