The Absence Of Any Sensation Sensation©

Is it me or is this some of the most banal copywriting you’ve ever seen? This is uninspired to the extent that I seriously wonder how they manage to survive in a capitalist economy.

“Orange Julius” Product Features

STRAWBERRY SENSATION Julius Creations®

Lose yourself in a sensational swirl of strawberries, tropical fruit juice and non-fat frozen yogurt.

BERRY LEMON LIVELY Julius Creations®

Wake up your taste buds with an avalanche of raspberries, blackberries, lemonade and non-fat frozen yogurt.
….or:The wide buds of the taste with a raspberry avalanche awake upon his blackberry, of that one the limonata and yogurt inside ignited, that is congealed without the tenor of the fat substance.

RASPBERRY Julius Classic Smoothy®

Indulge in a cool and creamy medley of raspberries, raspberries and more raspberries!

CHILI MELT Hot Dog

Savor the classic great taste of our famous all beef hot dog topped with zesty chili sauce, American cheese and diced onions.

About Jonah

personal|professional musings ...of potential (obscure) scientific interest: sporadic first-person account of dreams either entering low-earth orbit or heading Mach7.3 into bridge pylon... i will do my bestbest to keep it interesting ;o> cheers!

One thought on “The Absence Of Any Sensation Sensation©

  1. Wow. How dour. Were you intentionally searching for bleak emptiness in ad copy? I hate to say you’re projecting, but it seems to me like almost all product endorsement is essentially banal drivel. What struck you as so disparate in this particular instance? Was it some sort of resonance with the depressingly dull ache of memories from the horrible loneliness of the teenage years? Could it be subliminally instructed by the intro song on Modest Mouse’s “The Lonesome Crowded West” in which he invokes the useless nature of giant malls and their unavoidable Orange Julius’s? Things must be looking pretty grim if you’re criticizing advertisements for crushed ice and frapped fruit. But I say, “Fuck yeah!” and “I always thought those places where depressing!” You know what always really made me frown when I looked at that one Orange Julius at Perimeter Mall? I couldn’t believe how there were always big fat women standing in line to get those drinks. I always thought, “Why are the fat women getting the Orange Julius’s? Wouldn’t they rather have a milk shake? Or at least a Coke? Why orange juice and ice? Isn’t that a little bland and healthy for them?” Of course, I never tried one myself. There was probably heavy cream or meringue mixed in with them, or something. Maybe custard. Regardless, I concur on that atrocious product description. It makes me want to head to Jamba Juice right now. Actually, I really wish I still had some chocolate Soy milk left.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.