Monthly Archives: April 2004


1. Buy some bedsheets (preferrably sized to fit your bed). Wash ’em.
2. Buy some fabric dye – obtainable at any fabric or craft store.
3. Find a bucket.
4. Add water. Add dye.
5. Twist up your bedsheets all funky-like. If you’re ambitious find some big ‘ole rubber bands to wrap ’em up with.
6. Dunk sheets in bucket a few times (check the dye bottle or the web to see how long you should soak ’em – no not here – find some other site)
7. Let ’em dry for a day (or two).
8. Hang ’em on a clothesline to cure if you got one, else use a drier on a low-temp setting.
9. You gotchyo’self funky-ass tie-dyed sheets! (wash cold, yo.)


note: Anyone who does this should also check to make sure the dye isn’t toxic. Most fabric dyes aren’t, but any of the powdered kind could be raw pigment, which is highly toxic (don’t believe what your coworker says when she claims that it’s “inert” or “inactive” metal and therefore safe enough to even eat… she’s horribly misinformed!)

The Absence Of Any Sensation Sensation©

Is it me or is this some of the most banal copywriting you’ve ever seen? This is uninspired to the extent that I seriously wonder how they manage to survive in a capitalist economy.

“Orange Julius” Product Features


Lose yourself in a sensational swirl of strawberries, tropical fruit juice and non-fat frozen yogurt.

BERRY LEMON LIVELY Julius Creations®

Wake up your taste buds with an avalanche of raspberries, blackberries, lemonade and non-fat frozen yogurt.
….or:The wide buds of the taste with a raspberry avalanche awake upon his blackberry, of that one the limonata and yogurt inside ignited, that is congealed without the tenor of the fat substance.

RASPBERRY Julius Classic Smoothy®

Indulge in a cool and creamy medley of raspberries, raspberries and more raspberries!


Savor the classic great taste of our famous all beef hot dog topped with zesty chili sauce, American cheese and diced onions.

urban parallels


Ok let’s examine this situation. Location, a high-traffic region in the town of Somerville with metered parking and a general paucity of spots to put your car relative to the rest of this country’s asphalt-covered terrain. (aka Davis Square)

Myself and the author of the love note (Mr. X) are both parked against the curb (tried ASCII-drawing it, failed, so you’ll have to use your (prodigious) imagination). Mr. X also has a car behind him, so once I’ve parked he now has cars in front of and behind him. I park close but I usually do when parking in the city because I don’t know, I guess I feel like space is at a premium in the city, and when living in Boston there was many the occasion where two poorly spaced cars subtracted a parking space I could have used from the street-side parking.

————————–The Curb—————————-

Me. ~~ Mr. X ~~ Anon Car

So I park and walk past, noticing this fellow in his car chatting on his phone, think nothing of it. Come back to find the love note copied above in bold….no big deal, I can understand someone’s irritation at having to manuever their car out of tight spot if it truly was imposed on them absent any decision or action on their part. But in this case (note the relative position of Mr. X’s car to car Anon vs. me and Mr. X)


I hope my point is obvious.

So I think I can safely speak for the rest of humanity when I say to all writer’s of snarky unsigned notes everywhere — j00 suck! Deal with the decisions you make and quit casting about for someone else to blame, it may be fun and release some pressure, but the rest of the world is not really interested….so get yourself a therapist and leave us alone! Also, I have just consumed a giant pot of tea and so I am extremely ~WIRED~ at the moment, which is what I will blame this crappy post upon (but I will NOT be blaming it on the guy who blames everyone else for the hardships he endures by choosing to bring a car into a city.)